We The Lost Mailbox

[carnagecarnival]

 
The Initiate | 1338 Pound Cake Lane

Comments

Small panicking Disciple

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Okay what am I even supposed to do

Is that our your Psiionic? Xanthous? Mituna?

Re: Small panicking Disciple

[carnagecarnival]

it's our mituna :o)
DEAREST DARLING STARSHINE BELOVED
honk honk honk honk

AIN'T NOTHING AT OF WORRY
nothing what to get worry on for
CAN HANDLE THIS
can be at to talk to him
:o)

[deafscythe]

Are there traditional anniversary gifts for moirails? I want to get Terezi something.

[Nevermind that Justin still feels like he's not doing a very good job with this romantic relationship thing. The indigo is the only troll who might give him anything like a clear answer (Waspfire and Justin don't get along well).]

[carnagecarnival]

[Is this who he thinks it is? It can't be. There ain't no motherfucking way this being right and correct on abouts as his oculars perceive.]

WHOA
uh
YOU SURE YOU WANT ON TO BE ASKING MY ASS?

[Though he supposes Justin can't right proper know, it's still strange. Both to be asked and that it's Justin doing the asking.]

ain't you asked her or none?

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Does she really still not know?
I told her who our Terezi was to me the first day I arrived here!

[carnagecarnival]

course she don't know
WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE NEED ON FOR KNOWING
they's different terezis
IT AIN'T GOT NONE TO DO WITH HER

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

[A few days after Christmas, something appears in the mailbox. It's a bundle of cloth with a bit of jungle vine twine barely holding it shut. Don't judge her, she made do.

Inside is a set of wooden goats and a ball carved into a cage. Below it is a note]

I started with the goats but I made a ball in the cage for Zephyr and realized it was probably just your thing. Enjoy two purresents on accident

[carnagecarnival]

MOTHER FUCK
ain't this being not but what's getting to be the most bitchtits motherfucker of piecing as to be done given ever to be wondersome
YOU MADE THIS?

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

[There's a bundle of cloth and inside is a handful of bluegreen grass and a crystal necklace A note is laid on top of the whole bundle]

From the moon hopbeasts
Maybe this will make up for the awful enabling I did of your moirail's sense of fashion
You'll figure it out when you see it :33

[carnagecarnival]

mirth, that's beautiful
MOON HOPBEASTS MADE ABOUT THIS MIRACLE?
wh

MOMENT'S MOTHERFUCKING WAIT, THE FUCK DID YOU DO ABOUTS MY MOIRAIL?

sent after the murder mystery event

[leiche]

[ with some teeth marks in the top corner because a certain fox likes to think he's helping out whenever Jeremy's writing letters: ]

Izzy,

I meant to send this back when you were first offering. I know it's been a while and you're probably busier or have better things to do than deal with someone else's bullshit, so you don't have to respond if you changed your mind. No hard feelings.

But if you're still offering, I guess I'm just wondering if you're available to meet sometime and talk about stuff. If not that's cool, it's no big deal. It's not an emergency or anything.

- Jeremy

Re: sent after the murder mystery event

[carnagecarnival]

[The teeth marks are run over with a thumb. Too small for human so it must be his friend. He thinks, sometimes, that humans must have some vague sense of lusii leftover from creation. It's a particular closeness he shares with his goats. But ain't none of that matters here.]

mirth's greetings, brother.

COURSE I'M STILL BEING ALL SORTS THE FUCK DOWN. how much business you think i got up in this bitch? YOU EVEN GOT TO KNOWING HOW QUIET THE MEADOUS GETS AT? i was training up to run a planet before all this shit, motherfucker, whatever it being is, i got this.

THAT, AND I'M ALWAYS UP FOR KICKING IT FRIENDLY AT TO A MOTHERFUCKER. :o)

hope abundant to hearkening a homie. I WAKE IN THEM EVENINGS BUT I'M DOWN ANY MOTHERFUCKING TIME.

-izzy

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Alive is so very not alright
Are you alright? Really?
And no vagueness Kurloz please

Congratulations on the title. It suits.

[carnagecarnival]

SORRY.
I FIGURED IT CAME CLOSE.

I'M

NO. I'M NOT.
BUT I AM?
IT'S COMPLICATED.

I LIVED THE MEMORY
I WAS THE ME WHAT WAS YOUNG GETTING ON THROUGH THAT DAYMARE BUSINESS AND

IT REALLY WAS THE MESSIAHS
ONE OF THEM
THE LORD
THE DESTROYER OF THE TWO
I [He relives the moment every time he thinks of it, as though it's been scoured into his memory. Most motherfucking likely, it is.]

THE VAST HONK
IT WAS AS FORETOLD ONLY I SAW IT THEN IN MY MEMORY BEFORE IT HAPPENED I SAW IT SISTER AND THE MOTHER FUCKIN SOUND IT
I


THE LORD WILLED ME TO TAKE APART OUR SESSION
TO CREATE ALTERNIA AND INVITE HIS MOTHERFUCKING COMING
TO BRING ABOUT THE UNDOING
WAS LIKE HIS GREATNESS REACHED INSIDE AND TOOK ALL OF ME OUT, SCRAPING UP MY MOTHERFUCKING GUTS, BURNING ME ALL OUT FROM INSIDE, AND I COULDN'T CARE NO MORE NOT ABOUT YOU NOT ABOUT HER HOLINESS, LADY OF CREATION, ONLY

I DIDN'T LET IT FINISH.
I MADE IT ALL TO STOP BEFORE I WAS BEING TO LIVE IT ALL.
YOU WERE PLEADING, I HEARD YOU, I COULDN'T DO IT AGAIN I COULDN'T
SO I STOPPED IT, THE MEMORY [This paper will be ruinous by the time he's done with it. It all brings him back so sharp and he's leaking all over again.]


I FEEL STRANGE
MY PAN ACHES
I FEEL IT IN MY THROAT
THE FLUCTUATIONS I GOT OFF IS BEING BACK
I FELT IT IN MY SOUL LIKE IT WAS TEARING ME
I AIN'T ALL HOLLOW AS I WOULD'VE BEEN MADE AT TO BE BUT
I FEEL
LIKE I AIN'T CONNECTED?
LIKE I'M ALL BEING HALF HERELIKE
I AIN'T SLEPT FULL SINCE
I FEEL THE COMMANDS AS IS CARVED INTO ME AND IT SCARES ME
I'M ALL FILLED THE FUCK UP WITH FEAR


BUT
BUT I STILL FEEL
I'M STILL HERE
I GOT ON BRINGING IT BACK AND I DIDN'T LOSE MYSELF COMPLETE
IT WORKED
I GOT TO KEEP MY WORD
AND I KNOW WHAT IT BEING IS NOW

I THOUGHT THE MESSIAHS WAS REACHING THROUGH VOODOO
THEY WERE
BUT IT WASN'T MINE
IT WAS THEIRS
THEY HAVE IT TOO
THAT'S WHY I COULDN'T HEAL BEFORE, THAT'S WHY IT WAS LASTING EVEN WHEN WE WERE DEAD
IT'S CHUCKLEVOODOO

IT FELT FAMILIAR


IT'S A LOT TO PROCESS SISTER
I DON'T THINK OKAY IS A THING WHAT I CAN BE YET
BUT I'M OKAY AS LIKE I WILL BE
AND NO ONE'S GOT TO GET HURT
NOT ANYMORE

THIS WASN'T A MISTAKE TO BE DOING.

March 8

[thewarningafter]

Mediator,

I'm guessing you're going to want this bracelet back at some point. How does it work, anyway?

Stephen

Re: March 8

[carnagecarnival]

[Fear, despite showing much, is less illustrative of another's character that one could think. He doesn't have a whole sense for Stephen is, and nor does he expect a letter even this soon. It's nice to see, at least, that communication's being opened.]

brother stephen,

BRACELET'S A MAKING OF ZEPHYR'S. a gift. WOULD FIGURE IT MOTHERFUCKING MAGIC. lets you rest daymare or nightmare free. NEVER FAILS. never falters. THIS IS WHAT I'M BEING TO KNOW ALONE.

it's alright if you ain't ready for no returning, brother. THINGS BETWEEN MY DESCENDANT AND I ARE A LITTLE MOTHERFUCKING COMPLICATED SO AS TO PREVENTING US CONVERSING WELL. won't be no sort able to pass along just yet.

THAT, AND I UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S BEING LIKE UP IN YOUR SHOES. take your time, brother. GO AT YOUR FEAR WHEN ALL YOU'RE READY. best way to bear it, that.

-MEDIATOR IZZEKIEL PIEDSOUL

[backdated to february]

[pythianjudgment]

IZZ M3D14


SUP.

YOU M4Y H4V3 4LR34DY NOT1C3D BUT 1 FOUND G4MZ33 OUT ON TH3 3DG3 OF TOWN. 4T L34ST 1 HOP3 YOU NOT1C3D TH4T. 1F NOT... SURPR1S3? 4NYW4Y. H3 W4S 4CT1NG SK1TT1SH, 4ND WH3N 1 4SK3D H1M WH4T W4S WRONG, H3 TOLD M3 TH4T H3 W4SNT SUPPOS3D TO B3 H3R3. 4ND SP3C1F1C4LLY TH4T H3 W4SNT SUPPOS3D TO B3 N34R YOU. B3C4US3 YOUR... OTH3R T3R3Z1 TOLD H1M SO?

1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG GO1NG ON W1TH TH1S? HE SAYS HE 1S FROM TH3 S4M3 PL4C3 4S YOU. 1 D1DNT W4NT TO L34V3 H1M H4NG1NG OUT 1N TH3 SNOW SO... H3 1S ST4Y1NG 4T MY PL4C3 FOR 4 B1T. 1 W4SNT SUR3 WH4T TO DO W1TH H1M P4ST TH4T. PL34S3 4DV1S3.

-4L3TH314

[carnagecarnival]

ALETHEIA

yeah, i up and got a notice on. KID RAN ON OFF BEFORE I COULD EVEN GET ON OUT THE DOOR. i wanted to HE AIN'T

it's real complicated. I'M GLAD YOU TOOK HIM IN. thank you. FROM THE BOTTOM OF THIS BLACK DAMN PUSHER OF MINE, I OWE YOU ONE.

my girl was never about gamzee. OR SHE WAS, UP AT ONE POINT, BUT SOME SHIT WENT ON DOWN IN THAT GAME. i figure you know it. SHE WAS FEELING REAL BETRAYED SHE UP AND WAS. for as long as she's been kicking it at near to me, she hasn't stood nothing with him for a moment. COULDN'T EVEN BE DEALING WITH MY FAITH UP FOR LONGEST TIME. it ain't all make sense to me seeing as she acts like i ain't worse than, but i assume it being cause shit was personal for her. I COULDN'T BLAME SEEING AS I GOT MY AVOIDANCE ON TO DAMN NEAR EVERYBODY BACK THEN.

they brought the kid to the capitol. HIM, AN ALTERNATE MINE WHAT'S ME NOW. my lusus. WAS ONE OF THEM THREATS VEILED, DON'T YOU KNOW. they took him, all of them. I MEANT TO BUT COULDN'T SAVE THEM. i didn't even get the vengeance like i'd tried for. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BE HANDLING HIM BACK THEN AND THEN HE WAS GONE.

i've always regretted that.

BUT, YOU SEE, HE GOT SHOWING UP SOME TIME BACK UP WHEN THE WALLS WENT ON DOWN. they ran on into each other, my girl and he. SHE'S REAL SCARED OF HIM, TEREZI, SHE'S SCARED OF BEING FOOLED AND ALL THINGS COMING THE FUCK APART. we've fought for each other a long time, me and she. GONE ALL SO LONG JUST HANGING ON LEST WE FALL APART. she didn't want to lose me, i guess. SO SHE SENT HIM OFF. and i figure, knowing gamzee, he just did as told. NOW HE'S SCARED OF ME TOO, DOESN'T WANT TO GET MY GIRL ALL MAD AT HIM, DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE HER AS THOUGHT SHE AIN'T ALREADY LOST. i got my anger on about it when i found the fuck out but she needed help more than all she needed my losing chill.

I WANT TO TALK TO HIM. i intend to. I'M JUST WAITING ON MY GIRL, YEAH? i need to be letting her know what's the haps and make sure shit's chill between us. SHE'S STILL GOT ON IRE UP OVER WHAT I WAS DOING LAST MONTH.

i wasn't sure what to do about gamzee up in times mean. I FIGURE BEST NOT TO BE SETTING HIM OFF. i've been keeping reach of voodoo out now and again but i only know fear and that ain't tell me all.

I'M SORRY YOU GOT UP INTO MY MESS.

he's skittish because all that noise as what's with us three and what got happening to him in the capitol. I DON'T THINK I OUGHT TO BE SAYING THE LATTER BIT WITHOUT HIS KNOWING FOR IT. but i ain't think he'll lash out. IF AT HE DOES, I'LL BE THERE IN AN INSTANT, AIGHT? but i'm pretty sure he's safe what to be around. THANKS UP AGAIN, SEEING TO HIM OUT OF THE COLD.

i'll be working at what's all the rest of this shit.

-IZZEKIEL

[backdated to mid-february]

[codename_snapdragon]

[The letter is slipped into his mailbox in the small hours of the morning. He might feel her approach, linger near the front of the house. She worries about him finding her here, about him being angry. She stays only long enough to put her letter into his box, then hurries away again.]

KURLOZ

1 HOP3 TH1S L3TT3R F1NDS YOU W3LL. 1 HOP3 YOUR3 NOT ST1LL 4NGRY. 1 KNOW YOU PROB4BLY 4R3, BUT ST1LL... 1 4M ST1LL 4T M3UL1NS. 1 4M PL4NN1NG TO ST4Y H3R3 UNT1L WH4T3V3R 1S WRONG W1TH YOUR GOD CH1LD 1S F1X3D. 1 DONT W4NT TO M4K3 TH1NGS H4RD3R FOR YOU.

1 N3V3R M34NT FOR US TO F1GHT. 1 HOP3 YOU KNOW TH4T. 1 ONLY M34NT FOR US TO T4LK, TO R34CH 4N UND3RST4ND1NG. 1 JUST W4NT3D TO SP3ND T1M3 W1TH YOU.

1M SORRY. 1 KNOW WH4T 1 4SK3D OF G4MZ33 W4S WRONG. 1 W4S SC4R3D, 4ND 1 4CT3D W1THOUT TH1NK1NG HOW 1T M1GHT HURT YOU. 1 D1DNT DO 1T ON PURPOS3. D3SP1T3 WH4T YOU S33M TO TH1NK, 1 W4SNT GO1NG TO D3NY YOU TH4T 4G41N. 1 COULDNT. SCOLD1NG M3 W4SNT N3C3SS4RY, BUT 1 C4N UND3RST4ND WHY YOU D1D 1T.

1 JUST W1SH TH4T YOU COULD UND3RST4ND MY F33L1NGS TOO. YOU S4Y TH4T 1 DONT H4V3 TO FORG1V3 H1M, BUT 1 DO H4V3 TO L1V3 W1TH TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S OF WH4T3V3R YOU D3C1D3 TO DO. 1 H4V3 TO L1V3 W1TH TH3 F4CT TH4T... 31TH3R 1 HURT YOU BY TRY1NG TO K33P YOU S4F3, OR 1 L3T YOU GO 4ND L1V3 1N T3RROR TH4T 1 4M GO1NG TO LOS3 YOU. 1 DONT H4V3 4NY OTH3R OPT1ONS.

3V3RY T1M3 YOU T4LK 4BOUT H3LP1NG H1M, 1 F33L S1CK TO MY STOM4CH. 1 C4NT NOT R3M3MB3R WH4T H3 D1D TO MY FR13NDS. SOM3T1M3S 1T F33LS L1K3 YOU W4NT TO BRUSH TH4T 4S1D3 FOR TH3 S4K3 OF K33P1NG YOUR F4M1LY. 1 HOP3 TH4TS NOT TH3 C4S3. 1 DONT 4CTU4LLY KNOW. FOR 4LL YOU S4Y TH4T YOU 4CKNOWL3DG3 HOW H3 HURT M3, 1T N3V3R F33LS TH4T 1T HOLDS 4NY W31GHT W1TH YOU. 1F YOU C4NT HOLD H1M 4CCOUNT1BL3 FOR 3V3N TH4T, HOW 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO TRUST YOU TO PROT3CT YOURS3LF? 4T WH4T PO1NT WOULD YOU 4CTU4LLY S4Y TH4T 3NOUGH 1S 3NOUGH 4ND PUSH H1M 4W4Y?

1 C4NT POSS1BLY KNOW TH3 4NSW3RS TO THOS3 QU3ST1ONS. 1 C4NT 3V3N B3 H3R3 TO W1TN3SS THOS3 4NSW3RS MYS3LF. 1 L1V3 4 WORLD 4W4Y FROM YOU, WH3R3 1T T4K3S D4YS FOR 4NY N3WS TO R34CH M3. 1F 4NYTH1NG W3R3 TO H4PP3N, 1T WOULD B3 OV3R 4ND DON3 W1TH B3FOR3 1 3V3R 3V3N H34RD OF 1T. DO YOU KNOW HOW H3LPL3SS TH4T F33LS? TO KNOW YOU COULD B3 1N D4NG3R 4ND 1 C4N ONLY S1T WH3R3 1 4M 4ND W41T FOR TH3 OUTCOM3? 4ND TH3 W41T1NG GO3S ON 4ND ON... 1 F33L L1K3 1 WOULD B3 MOR3 4T 34S3 S1TT1NG 1N W41T OF MY OWN 3X3CUT1ON.

1F YOU S4Y TH4T YOU UND3RST4ND 4LL OF TH1S TH3N 1 W1LL L34V3 1T 4T TH4T. TH1S 1S M3 L3TT1NG GO. YOU C4N DO WH4T YOU W4NT W1TH H1M. 1 WONT BR1NG 4NY OF TH1S UP 4G41N 4ND 1 WONT TRY TO STOP YOU. 1 W1LL ONLY 4SK ON3 MOR3 T1M3 TH4T YOU PL34S3 B3 C4R3FUL. 1 P1TY YOU SO MUCH. 1 DONT KNOW WH4T 1 WOULD DO W1THOUT YOU. 1 DONT W4NT TO F1ND OUT.

YOURS,
T3R3Z1

[carnagecarnival]

TEREZI

my beloved,

I AM NOT SO STEADY IN RAGE AS THAT. but i am not safe. I GET ALL MOTHERFUCKING RILED LIKE THAT AND I AIN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, DON'T YOU KNOW? it scares me. I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU. i don't think i'm good as all like I AIN'T WANT TO THINK IT, BUT I FEAR IT ALL THE SAME. you're safer away from me. IF STAYING UP WITH MEULIN IS TO YOUR LIKING, YOU SHOULD BE THERE. would get on apology to meulin but i'm sure she ain't going to mind.

I'M SORRY. i'm sorry i still can't reign my temper. I'M SORRY I TURNED IT UP ON YOU.

i didn't mean to scold you. I GUESS I DID. i just thought as you should know. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD WANT TO KNOW IF ALL SUCH THINGS WAS GETTING FELT.


i've been trying. I'VE BEEN MAKING AS BEST I CAN TO SHOW I KNOW IT SCARES YOU. i've tried to steer about the wicked shit so you ain't being to have no fallout and ain't nobody will have to suffer no motherfucking more for it. I'VE BEEN SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AS ALL TO WANT TO PREVENT BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE MORE SO. i've told you all them ways i'm capable and wanting to stay with you. I'VE WANTED IT TO BE ENOUGH. but i can feel it ain't. I CAN'T ACTUALLY UP AND CHANGE THAT. there's nothing what i can say or do asides leaving him out of all everything and we both know i can't do that.

AND I CAN'T BLAME HIM FOR WHAT ALL HAPPENED. you told me it ain't my fault for my future. YOU'VE TAUGHT ME COUNTLESS SUCH IS BEING SO. even when i get like as not to be believing you. I CAN'T TAKE ALL YOU'VE SHOWN ME AND DENY IT TO HIM. i couldn't understand for so long why you couldn't see it's the same. I COULDN'T BLAME YOU, BUT SOMETIMES I GOT THOUGHT YOU ONLY PITIED A TROLL WHAT DIDN'T EXIST. one day you'd figure the fuck out all i am and you'd leave. AND I COULDN'T HAVE PUT BLAME ABOUT YOU THEN EITHER.

i thought all this time, you were giving me a second chance. I THOUGHT LIKE I'D GOT ABOUT YOUR FORGIVENESS FOR WHAT SHIT GOT KICKED. but it ain't wasn't that at all, was it? YOU THINK I'M GOOD. you won't look up at my ills. YOU WON'T SEE ALL WHAT I'VE DONE. you won't believe nothing else.

AND YOU DO THE SAMELIKE FOR GAMZEE. you won't hear that he might not be making like to pretend. YOU WON'T HEAR WHAT I KNOW OR FEEL. because he's bad.

YOU'RE SCARED. you're scared as all like i was scared. YOU KNOW THAT? i didn't want to trust nobody. I THOUGHT ALL TO BE CRUEL. i thought all kindness a motherfucking joke. I THOUGHT IT SOME SHIT REAL ELABORATE. patterns make it so much easier. PATTERNS MAKE SHIT TO ME WHEN SOMEONE GETS HURT, IT'S ALL BEING CAUSE SOME ILL DONE. the world is unkind so i must offer no kindness. I AM MADE TO HURT BECAUSE I AM A SINNER AND DESERVE IT ALL AS COMES. that way, i could believe if i was truly good, i wouldn't hurt. THAT MEANT I WAS UP IN CONTROL.

you know you taught me otherwise? WAS YOU WHAT WAS MAKING CLEAR THAT AIN'T BEING THE CASE. that motherfuckers could mean it when they were kind. THAT THEY COULD DO ILL IN MY VIEWING AND PROVE NO LESS GOOD AND THEM WHAT MEANT WHAT THEY WAS COULD CHANGE. and because you taught at me all this, i simply thought like you knew. I JUST GOT PRESUMPTION UP AND ON THAT SUCH THINGS WAS OBVIOUS AT TO YOU.

you took care of me and i've come to be so grateful. BUT I'VE USED YOU, HAVEN'T I? you help people. YOU HELP THEM WHAT COME TO YOU ASKING. you got thinking i was good cause i wasn't knowing how to be getting about shit. AND BECAUSE YOU GOT THOUGHT AS LIKE I WAS GOOD, YOU THOUGHT YOUR OWNSELF RESPONSIBLE. and i let it to be so.

BUT THE THING IS, I WASN'T GOOD THEN. might not even be good now but i ain't what i was. GAMZEE AIN'T GOOD UP IN YOUR TIME. but he ain't like that now either.

TEREZI, WE AIN'T PEOPLE WHAT YOU CAN MAKE TO BE SORTING. we ain't one thing or a motherfucking other. THE WORLD DON'T WORK IN THE KIND OF PATTERNS YOU'RE THINKING ANY MORE THAN IT GOT DOING IN MINE.

gamzee ain't from the time what he did anything in. AND I GOT TO LEARNING THAT THE THINGS WHAT GOT HAPPENING TO ME, WAS BEING HAPPENING TO HIM TOO. i also know he ain't gone back on word he's got with you and that i can feel him getting terror on at of being near me and upsetting you. BUT NONE OF THAT IS GOING TO MATTER IF ALL THERE AIN'T NO FATHOMING GETTING DONE.

and i need you to understand this all because i want to be knowing you understand me too. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET SURPRISED NONE ONE DAY WHEN YOU REALIZE I'M NOT WHAT YOU WANT OF ME. selfish is what it is to be when i say like i want you anyway.

I GUESS THE THING IS, WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE ALL WHAT'S MAKING HAPPENSTANCE WITH GAMZEE, I WONDER IF AT YOU EVEN KNOW ME. when i think on all that, it makes it hard to stop bringing him up. HE AIN'T GOT TO BE PART OF YOUR LIFE, BUT I AM. or i want to be. AND I CAN'T VILIFY HIM NONE WITHOUT COMING DOWN UPON MY OWNSELF TOO. i can't justify such business at to my ownself without making like i ought to pay. BUT YOU TOLD ME I AIN'T GOT TO. if all this is getting sense in your pan, will you still believe that?

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET YOU EASING THE FEAR YOU'LL LOSE ME. i can't fix that. WISH TRULY I COULD. i've worked all this to be making sure i don't leave you and lose you. THE WEIGHT IS LIKE THAT I'VE CURSED YOU, MY BLOOD HAS CURSED YOU, AND IT'S DONE SO THROUGH HIM AND THAT'S JUST MORE SHIT I GOT TO MIND WHAT'S DUE FOR. i can try and write more, faster maybe, but i ain't know how much that all to help.

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS BEING UNDERSTANDING ENOUGH OR NOT. i don't motherfucking know if you even understand me for what i got said. I JUST WISH I COULD PROVE MY WANT FOR HIM DOESN'T MEAN I PITY YOU ANY MOTHERFUCKING LESS. all what i can say is that i haven't gone to him and i can't until i think you're okay. OR, I GUESS, IF REALIZING WE AIN'T UNALIKE, ME AND HIM, MEANS YOU CAN'T BEAR ME AROUND ANY LONGER. i pray it won't be so.

PITY YOU. always.

-KURLOZ

dated sometime after the event i think idk

[leiche]

Izzy

Izzekiel Peidsoul,

sorry if I spelled that wrong

I don't really know why I'm writing this or sending it to you at all. I'm not expecting you to write back or say anything, since I know you don't want me saying sorry or hearing any more of my whiny bullshit. I'm honestly tired of writing whiny bullshit but it's all I got.

But even though I know you don't want to hear it, I wanted to say it again anyway. I'm sorry. Doesn't matter how bad the thoughts in my head get or what mood I'm in, I shouldn't have lashed out and said what I did when you're just trying to help me.

I'm not going to lie and say I've stopped thinking about it just to try and smooth things over, because I haven't and you probably know that anyway. But I wanted to just let you know that I'm getting more help so that maybe some day I can stop thinking about it. Or less about it. Or however it fucking works I don't know. And maybe some day I can stop thinking I'm the worst piece of shit and maybe I'll be able to feel more positively towards wishing for shit and maybe pigs can fucking fly I don't know [ it trails off for a bit, with several scribbles and erased pencil marks, and a bonus smudged paw print for good measure ]

Anyway. You can ignore this if you want. I can't imagine why you wouldn't. I'm not expecting you to write back. But yeah. I figure since you're one of the first people here to really give a fuck and try to help me and since I still have some of the notes you wrote me, then I should at least let you know that it was worth something and that I'm trying to figure things out.

And I hope you're managing okay doing whatever it is you're doing and hopefully you get to deal with less whiny bullshit from now on.

- Jeremy

[carnagecarnival]

jeremy,

IT AIN'T THE WHINY BULLSHIT SUPPOSED WHAT BOTHERED ME BACK THEN. you get that right? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF ME WITH WHAT I'VE MADE TELL FOR. if i seem as like ain't nothing's getting to phase me. OR MAYBE AS THAT IT ALL BEING IS. say true, there's a lot what i can bear. A WHOLE LOT MADE THE BEARING FOR EVEN IF I WENT FIGHTING IT INITIAL.

but i can't handle this. THIS SORT OF SHIT WHAT'S MAKING LIKE YOU'LL LAY DOWN AND LET YOURSELF TO ENDS. that is never going to be a thing what i can take.

I DON'T GO HALFWAY. back when i was a killer i didn't give a damn. NOW THAT I AIN'T, I DO. i can't turn off that bit of me without turning it all off entire. AND ONE THING WHAT I CAN'T BE DOING MORE THAN ALL ANYTHING ELSE IS LOSING PEOPLE I GIVE CARE ABOUT.

i go so bad, jeremy, do you understand? I SIT ON THIS FUCKING EDGE PRECARIOUS MAKING SURE ALL EVERYONE'S SAFE SO EVERYONE CAN GET BEING SAFE NEAR ME. of course i've lost before but i ain't knowing when is too much and too late until it's already being so. WHEN THE LOSING GETS TO BE SO GREAT THAT I WISH NOT TO FEEL. i get to that point of pushing on away because, well, i have to protect myself somehow. I CAN'T BEAR IT, JEREMY. i just can't.

GOT MY GLADNESS ON YOU'RE FIGURING HOW AND ALL. that you've got some considering done and due. BUT YOU TRIED TO APOLOGIZE AS THOUGH THAT MADE IT OKAY YOU WAS GOING TO FUCK OFF ON ME ANYWAY. you don't understand how deep that goes for me.

I THINK YOU'RE GOOD, JEREMY. you're broken, yes, but you're good. YOU NEED THAT HELP AND DESERVE IT. i'm glad you wrote. BUT I HOPE YOU CAN FATHOM THAT YOU'VE SHAKEN MY TRUST. and so, i'll need some time to gather that on back now. NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE SOME EVIL, BUT BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE I'M BROKEN.

i hope you can extend to me that patience.

-MEDIATOR IZZEKIEL PIEDSOUL♑︎

April 15th - Evening

[jumpthegun]

Mr. Mediator,

I'm sure you're already doing so, but I'd appreciate it if you could check in on Aletheia. I honestly didn't mean to upset her today with my message. I'm not going to stop being a doctor, but I'll see to offering my services more discreetly if it's going to cause this much of a problem for her and some of the others.

I don't know what she's gone through to put her so against just the idea of people like me existing. But I'll leave off interacting with her, as well, if that's going to cause a problem. I hope you can take care of each other.

Regards,
John

Re: April 15th - Evening

[carnagecarnival]

JOHN,

i'm surprised as to see you writing to me, truth be told. BUT IT AIN'T ABOUT ME SO I'LL HOLD TONGUE ON SUCH NOISE.

i know some of what all she's gone through, natural. I KNOW MUCH OF THE WORST WHAT THE MEADOUS HAS GONE THROUGH. but i can't talk about it. AT SOME POINT, I AIN'T SURE WHEN, I JUST GOT DECIDING I WASN'T GOING TO SPILLING ILL BY NOBODY. and as much as all you both may hate to hear, she's a lot like you up in at least one respect. ALETHEIA DOES NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT NOTHING. feeling fears like i do doesn't mean being let in. MOST OF THE TIME I HAVE TO LET THEM ALL AROUND SIMPLY BE AND SHE'S ONE OF THEM.

it wasn't small though. AIN'T NONE OF IT'S HARDLY EVER SMALL BY NOBODY. if i may attempt to illuminate, our meadous had gotten quiet for some time. THE LOT OF US GOT A ROUTINE WHAT GOT COMFORTABLE. you're new, and you're fighting up against almost all of that. NOT EVERYONE'S KNOWING IF AT WE CAN TRUST YOU YET ALL THE WHILE. and then bringing all what things is sore for such motherfuckers up into the mix, shit makes calamitous in a pan. ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE OF US WHAT AIN'T NEVER GOT KNOWING WHAT SAFE UP AND IS BEFORE BEING HERE. we don't want to lose that, even to threats what we build up in our minds.

I CAN'T SPEAK FOR HER. mirth knows i've put my foot in my maw enough times late. BUT I THINK AS LIKE IF SHE THOUGHT YOU OUGHT TO BE DEAD TRULY, SHE'D TAKE CARE OF SUCH NOISE HER OWNSELF EVEN IF IT VILIFIED HER. and she ain't being to do that. (WOULDN'T LET IT HAPPEN ANYWAY. but i don't think she would.)

SHE'S NEVER GOING TO LIKE UPON THE DOCTOR BIT. but she might find you've got more at to you, if such things come align. EVERYONE'S JUST SCARED HERE, JOHN. that's all what we is. IF YOU GIVE A SHIT ON ABOUT ANY OF THAT BUSINESS, I'D ADVISE GIVING HER TIME. maybe eventually even saying half of this to her. AND YEAH, IT MIGHT HELP KEEPING THE DOCTOR BIT TO THE WAYSIDE IF YOU'RE REAL SET. if only because she can be stubborn as raging lusus she can. BUT MIRTH KNOWS I CAN UNDERSTAND NOT TRYING NOR WANTING TO HIDE NO BIT OF YOURSELF.

i'm sorry i didn't come in defensive like i ought to have. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE THE FUCK OUT AS WHERE TO STAND WITH YOU THAT YOU'RE PREFERENTIAL TO. aletheia herself can bind me, in an entirely other way as well, not to mention my own business of docterrorists. BUT IT'S A WEAK EXCUSE AND I KNOW IT.

i'll try and talk to her. CAN'T SAY HOW WELL IT'LL BE BEING TO GO BUT I'LL SEE ABOUT IT. and if you're alright by it, i can pass along that you had no intent for upset and are willing to make covert by her.

- MEDIATOR IZZEKIEL

[ignes_fatui]

Mediator Izzekiel Piedsoul,

I apologize if this is inappropriately familiar, but I thought it might be wise to follow up on your mental state after we unearthed those memories of your previous life. Are you finding you've accomplished what you set out to do by reliving them? And are you able to comfortably reconcile having memories that span two lifetimes?

I ask because it's something I've dealt with as well, albeit to a much lesser degree, and I find it can be disorienting at times. Again, I don't mean to assume more familiarity than we have, but if it's something you'd like to talk about, it's something with which I'm at least passingly familiar.

If there's anything further I can help you with, please feel free to let me know.

-Ienzo

[carnagecarnival]

:o?
honk

WHY THE MOTHERFUCK WOULD FAMILIARITY BE GETTING UP OVER TO BEING TOO MUCH? was you what got being involved up anyways. OUGHT TO BE ASKING YOU IF AS IT'S BEING FINE AND WELL.

but yeah, shit's accomplished. I KNOW HOW THE VISION WAS MAKING TO DO IT'S DAMAGE. i've asked of zephyr ability to heal any such things like it. SHOULD IT GIVE UNTO SECOND OCCURRENCE, I'LL BE ABLE TO TAKE WHAT ALL I'VE LEARNED WHILST UNDOING THE DAMAGE LEFT. that's what's being most important.

AS FOR RECONCILLIATION, IT AIN'T SO MUCH AN ISSUE FOR ME.

i got to meet my other self before, the one what got being... affected. DESPITE IT, HE GOT TO HELPING ME OUT BY SOMETHING SIMILAR. taken from me was my tongue and will, just not everything about me as like that. I AIN'T THINK HE REALLY FELT ON ANYTHING. but his help got on mattering at to me all the same, especially since it got his ass made gone. MY GRATITUDE CARRIED ON INTO WISHING I COULD REMEMBER. live for us both, you dig? GET US THAT SECOND CHANCE SOMEHOW. got my chance when them frogs was being the haps. IT'S DIFFERENT NOW SEEING AS I CAN'T THINK HIM A DIFFERENT MOTHERFUCKER AS FROM ME. but it is a thing what i was wanting for.

IT CLASHES SOMETIMES. my worlds were different. RESPONSES DIFFERENTIATING. talked different then. LITTLE SHIT, MOSTLY. but i guess im a sorts used to that too. BEING DIFFERENT FROM MY OWNSELF. having parts and fractures, things as come out more in some times than in others. I AIN'T MADE THE SAME AS OTHERS IS. mostly it's just meaning more of me. DAYMARES HAVE TAKEN A MOTHERFUCKING TURN FOR CERTAIN BUT I CAN HANDLE SUCH. and then i got a familiarity by the signless prior. THAT MOTHERFUCKER WAS GETTING ALL KINDS OF UNRIGHTEOUS BUSINESS IN THAT NUG.

i really ain't mind no asking up about shit. IF ANYONE EVER WAS BEING IN WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING ALL THEY'D HAVE TO DO FOR IS TO ASK. only shit i make not to tell is what everyone else's fears is being. HONK.

good to hear someone's getting it all the same. NO NEED FOR WORRY NONE THOUGH.

-mediator izzekiel piedsoul

[xanthous]

Before you 2ay anythiing:

IIt wa2n't fliirtiing.

[carnagecarnival]

[He laughs when he gets the note, loud and unashamedly.] not flirting SURE GOT LOOKING LIKE A WHOLE LOT OF NOT FLIRTING all being to match as with this not letter AND YOUR NOT BEING SO FUSSED AS TO BE SENDING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE in case of possible not feeling NOT FLIRTING. honk honk :o)

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Hey you
I'm alright!
I guess I got unlost there for a bit?
But I'm in willowhispers
I've been here before when the walls went down and we all got flung about? You remember?
I met the other Mituna here
He's not here now but

It's very damp
I miss the weather in the Meadous
Ugh I'm going to be really upset if you all lost all that syrup I had made

Please tell me you're still there actually
I didn't lose a bunch of time right?
Shit I have no idea

-Meulin

[carnagecarnival]

oh messiahs

OH MIRTH

meulin. MUELIN, meulin. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE BACK THERE OR GONE OR MOTHERFUCKING

[He can't. He can't detail that further. It's been on his mind the past few days when he hasn't been busy tearing it apart or finding new trial.]

it's been a few days. ONLY A FEW MOTHERFUCKIN NIGHTS UP IN THIS AS TO BE MAKING GONE FOR.

lydian, the other indigo, got for leaving. THEN YOU AND THE HUMAN MEULIN UP IN UNISON. no one else so far though my kismesis ex-kismesis Shepard from Panem was making to show.

MIRTH, MEULIN. got my gladness on legit to be seeing this. KNOWING YOU WELL. i still ain't no good at this. I CAN'T LOSE PEOPLE. i can't lose you.

I CAN TRY AND SEE ON WHAT'S LEFT OF THE SYRUP NOISE. i ain't sure anything as what was being in your hive will be about still. I CAN GET ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WISH.

i ain't told terezi yet. I COULDN'T GET THE GUMPTION UP FOR IT LIKE I WAS DOING LAST TIME. perhaps for the best. SHE WON'T NEED MAKE ON NO WORRY NOW.

i hope i'll see you soon. HONK.

-kurloz

[divinefluff]

Why did you attack Shep? That wasn't very nice.

[There is such disappointment, Izzy.]

[carnagecarnival]

[He knew it was coming. He has reasons. But that ain't change that now that it's actually making happenstance, the disappointment from Zephyr is one of the worst fucking rounds of upset he's gotten. Not for any particular freaking out but mere up by Zephyr's good favor being sullied. This is a terrible day.]

JANE SHEPARD IS MY KIS MY EX MY KISMESIS. even though she's human. SOMEHOW. she keeps up anyway. I REACTED INSTINCTIVE AND WANTING FOR A STRIFE BY HER INSTEAD OF MAKING NOTICE BY YOU FIRST. i ain't going to make nice by her since that ain't what we do by such patterns of romance. BUT UP IN RETROSPECTIVES I'M GLAD YOU'VE A READINESS AND MEANS AS ALL FOR STOPPING ME FOR THEM AS AIN'T KNOWN TO BE A KISMESIS MINE. i ain't got the best control at times. AS LIKE NOW WHEN AT I OUGHT TO HAVE MADE TELL AT YOU FIRST. my apologies, kid. I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND AS ALL THIS IS GOING AT TO BE A THING OF FUTURE BY SHE AND ME.

and on speaking of she, i feel i ought to tell you. JANE SHEPARD IS THE WORST GODDAMN THING WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO A FAIR FUCKING FEW. don't let her be at to be telling you down. SHE AIN'T KNOW SHIT AND GOES BY WHAT GETS HER WAY. stay firm by her if you got to be listening. TAKE CARE, KID.

Mature Letter Alert

[earthborn]

This crude drawing is unsigned. But you can probably guess.

[carnagecarnival]

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, JANE
this is even more an abomination than you

June 2

[thewarningafter]

[Stephen places the envelope containing this note and Izzekiel's bracelet directly in his mailbox instead of entrusting it to the sloth.]

Mediator Piedsoul,

Thank you for the loan of your bracelet, but I will no longer be needing it.

Stephen

June 2

[carnagecarnival]

[He stares at it, without words to say, but feeling like he can't just say nothing. Everything feels hollow. It's not a feeling he likes. But he manages something.]

STEPHEN,

sure. I'LL BE PASSING IT ON TO MY DESCENDANT. if minds is ever making change about it [He won't. He already knows why he's getting this thing now.] you'll have to speak to gamzee. KID'S A DECENT SORT. he'll understand if a motherfucker's needing it more.

-IZZEKIEL ♑︎

[xanthous]

II need help.

[carnagecarnival]

hahaha
IF I DIDN'T HAVE AT AN IDEA FOR WHAT THIS WAS
i'd be real motherfucking worried right on about now
KICK IT BACK TO ME, HOMIE

[xanthous]

[Does Izzy want a sweater with a ribcage knit into it in black and bright indigo? Hopefully he does, because that's what he's getting, as well as a new pair of mittens.]

Every year you get biigger and II don't know iif the goat2 are goiing to be able to keep up yarn productiion.

[telecosmetic]

[Eliza leaves a drawing in Izzikiel's mailbox on the night of Christmas Eve. It's a drawing of him hovering in what looks like a dark void, with some colors glowing in the background. Between his hands is a glowing cloud that she hopes can properly represent the concept of a "dream." Instead of his usual clothes, he's dressed in an outfit that has motifs of both Cresselia and Darkrai. It's signed with her name and has "Merry Christmas!" on it.]

[furgood]

[Left in the mailbox and wrapped in a few layers of paper in an attempt to keep it from freezing is a loaf of sweet bread filled with dried fruits]

I hope you like sweet things? I'm pretty sure you do. I even drizzled with this with extra sugar because I'm almost positive you do.

We make these in the winter for the holidays and it's sort of a tradition. I blame others for reminding me about all this. I've been baking more bread..

Anyways, I hope you enjoy it.

-Meulin