I don't really know why I'm writing this or sending it to you at all. I'm not expecting you to write back or say anything, since I know you don't want me saying sorry or hearing any more of my whiny bullshit. I'm honestly tired of writing whiny bullshit but it's all I got.
But even though I know you don't want to hear it, I wanted to say it again anyway. I'm sorry. Doesn't matter how bad the thoughts in my head get or what mood I'm in, I shouldn't have lashed out and said what I did when you're just trying to help me.
I'm not going to lie and say I've stopped thinking about it just to try and smooth things over, because I haven't and you probably know that anyway. But I wanted to just let you know that I'm getting more help so that maybe some day I can stop thinking about it. Or less about it. Or however it fucking works I don't know. And maybe some day I can stop thinking I'm the worst piece of shit and maybe I'll be able to feel more positively towards wishing for shit and maybe pigs can fucking fly I don't know [ it trails off for a bit, with several scribbles and erased pencil marks, and a bonus smudged paw print for good measure ]
Anyway. You can ignore this if you want. I can't imagine why you wouldn't. I'm not expecting you to write back. But yeah. I figure since you're one of the first people here to really give a fuck and try to help me and since I still have some of the notes you wrote me, then I should at least let you know that it was worth something and that I'm trying to figure things out.
And I hope you're managing okay doing whatever it is you're doing and hopefully you get to deal with less whiny bullshit from now on.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dated sometime after the event i think idk
Date: 2017-04-12 04:30 am (UTC)IzzyIzzekiel Peidsoul,
sorry if I spelled that wrong
I don't really know why I'm writing this or sending it to you at all. I'm not expecting you to write back or say anything, since I know you don't want me saying sorry or hearing any more of my whiny bullshit. I'm honestly tired of writing whiny bullshit but it's all I got.
But even though I know you don't want to hear it, I wanted to say it again anyway. I'm sorry. Doesn't matter how bad the thoughts in my head get or what mood I'm in, I shouldn't have lashed out and said what I did when you're just trying to help me.
I'm not going to lie and say I've stopped thinking about it just to try and smooth things over, because I haven't and you probably know that anyway. But I wanted to just let you know that I'm getting more help so that maybe some day I can stop thinking about it. Or less about it. Or however it fucking works I don't know. And maybe some day I can stop thinking I'm the worst piece of shit and maybe I'll be able to feel more positively towards wishing for shit and maybe pigs can fucking fly I don't know [ it trails off for a bit, with several scribbles and erased pencil marks, and a bonus smudged paw print for good measure ]
Anyway. You can ignore this if you want. I can't imagine why you wouldn't. I'm not expecting you to write back. But yeah. I figure since you're one of the first people here to really give a fuck and try to help me and since I still have some of the notes you wrote me, then I should at least let you know that it was worth something and that I'm trying to figure things out.
And I hope you're managing okay doing whatever it is you're doing and hopefully you get to deal with less whiny bullshit from now on.
- Jeremy