carnagecarnival | We The Lost Mailbox

[ it's a long letter, but Jeremy's not impatient, he sits and reads and takes his time and absorbs every word on the page. it's true, there's always someone worse off, no matter how bad it gets. while it doesn't invalidate his own problems and what he went through, it just puts things into a different perspective, and other things are easier to hear from someone who knows what to say - nothing like "cheer up, it'll get better," or "just try to stay positive!" or "you should smile more!"

he really hates that one.

everything else though, painful as it is to read and imagine what a life like that must've been like, how much worse everything had been and can be. there's still the same messages in it that he intends to trim out and cover the bathroom mirror with, and he still appreciates the effort that Izzy's going through just to try and drag him out of his shell.

but then there's more similarities. the mention of a rebellion is one. not having a tongue or the ability to speak is another one. so he wonders, and he agonizes over whether or not he should ask it considering how it's only made things since his arrival to the Meadous ... but it ends up in Izzy's inbox regardless. short, and to the point. ]

Were you in Panem?

[Truth told, there's a fear in him the brother won't write back. After all admittance of his cruelty, he's always waiting for that other fucking walkstub to drop down and grind his bones to stardust. He's still waiting to be given exactly what he deserves. Why shouldn't he be turned away now?

But he ain't. There's a letter there for him and he's braced for it, not sure what to expect. Not expecting what it is he receives.

Ain't enough to read to be requiring a double take, but there's enough for him to raise his brows.]

i was. I AM. i never motherfucking left.

[A thousand inquiries after various states of safety spring to mind. He stifles them. They won't help Jeremy. But fuck, all this fucking time and he didn't know...]

MY LAST ARENA I GOT SPLIT IN TWO. i came here and stayed behind. HEARD THE OTHER ME AIN'T BEEN DOING NONE TOO WELL BUT I KNEW AS WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO BY MY PLANS.

mirth, were you a tribute also?

[ well, there it is. confirmation. and Jeremy's right about two things: Izzy is the same person from Panem, and Izzy's not the same person he knew there. he's not sure if he should feel relieved or disappointed, so he settles for somewhere in the middle. at least they both know what Panem can do to a person, whatever side they end up on.

"split in two" is an interesting take on it, though. maybe half of him is still there. ]

Only once. The war started after it was over. Pretty much drafted after that. The rest of it is kind of what I wanted to talk to you in person about.

WELL MOTHERFUCK.

aight. WE GOT SURE AND CERTAIN HANDLE UP ON THIS THEN. much as the capitol got being cruel, they ain't never been able at to surprise me with it. [Panem was always humans playing poor at Alternians to him, right down to using wriggler trials as entertainment. Whatever this is, it won't be nothing he hasn't seen before.]

READY WHENEVER AT YOU IS, BROTHER.

by the by. I'M SURE YOU GOT HEARING ON THIS PLENTY AND ALL. but i'm sorry this all happened to you. AND I'M SORRY WHAT I GOT TRYING FOR DIDN'T HELP A BROTHER OUT SOON ENOUGH.

[ even if it's not Izzy from the same time he knew him - the word "Initiate" comes to mind and he can't for the life of him figure out why - at least it's someone from Panem, someone who knows the despicable things the Capitol was capable of. they might not have had the most memorable conversation when they had met however long ago, but he knew-- ... well, he hoped that Izzy would've recognized him, that day during the murder mystery party.

but fuck it, he's never been worth remembering in the first place, no point in getting worked up over it. ]

I've heard it a lot. More than I ever want to. Doesn't do any good. Might try to make my way over tonight. But honestly, and I know this is going to sound stupid, but writing all this shit out's been exhausting. Soon as I get there though, I'll let you know. If that works for you too.

nah, brother. I GET IT. hearducts haven't got no perceptions of stupid from that. WAIT ON YOUR WORD, I WILL.

[And it's funny that his old title comes to Jeremy's mind, since...]

i figure i ain't wasn't dead by your time, seeing as my girl, terezi, was telling me so. BUT I DIDN'T GO ABOUTS BY IZZY THERE. was just a name i took on when the punch got calling me it and i needed something to hide by. I'M ONE FAMOUS MOTHERFUCKER ON MY WORLD FOR ALL THEM WRONG REASONINGS. took me a while to get my admittance to that but i never shook of izzy. WAS CALLED THE INITIATE IN PANEM. i ain't know if you ever knew me, but, after all this, i'd like to be friends. IF THAT'S BEING CHILL WITH YOU. honk.

[ huh. maybe the guy has mind reading abilities too. ]

Yeah. I knew you. We only spoke once. Wasn't anything important. Fuck if I can even remember half of it. But maybe we should save the whole friend talk thing until after we meet and figure shit out. No point getting ahead of ourselves or anything.

[ ever the optimist. ]

[Well. Yes. In a way. Voodoo fear-empathy went far sometimes.]

HEH. aight. SOME PATIENCE DUE.

hope to hear from you soon, brother. YOU KNOW WHAT TO BE DOING.

I know. I'll give you a heads up when I'm on my way.

[ after a crying session/power nap, of course. ]

We The Lost Mailbox

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