[He's got to bite his tongue some lest he speak before she's done. There's so much there to pick apart, but she does it with kindest intention. She does it with love and only a very small part of him warns she'll stray him off the path. He puts it out like snuffed light. That, he is certain, is wrong. But she isn't all on the same page either. She doesn't see him like he does, which is an ironic statement in its self]
You're speaking him like just anybody and I perceive him as... so much more than. He is far above mortal whims... [He's not sure she'll understand that. He tries another way.] You must understand, even if he wasn't, I don't... I don't want to be freed from him. I was hatched to serve them, the holy two. They're written into me. They saved my life by showing me how to save myself. They were there when no one else was, before you were even a thing to be. They gave me a motherfucking purpose. I...
[He can concede on some things, even if he does so miserably. Even if follows up with further defense.]
... Whether he meant to or not, he destroyed me. And I don't even know where her Highness was for it all. But I need him. It's not pity or such, but it's not no small thing either, it's like... it's... I love him. I love them. [He shakes his head, the words too heavy a confession, and a frankly stupid one even to his own ears.] The Lord at least was never meant to be a deity kind, I knew this, it was foolish to expect otherwise for he guides in ways otherlike. I got to be chosen twice, I got to serve direct, and that's how things are supposed to motherfucking be. [He should be grateful. He's not. Terezi says he owes nothing and he doesn't know if that's true.] But I wanted it to be different. I wanted to be theirs. If it's not my fault, if it's just how things is, then how will I ever... how can I get...?
[He can continue no more. It's too much to speak. He wanted to be held, he wanted to be loved, he wanted to motherfucking matter. He wanted something certain.
He curls up then, as much as he can. Useless and fucking pathetic. But he isn't able to look at her. He feels like a child. He never should've talked of this even though he did, and a part of him had wanted to.]
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Date: 2017-05-19 09:35 pm (UTC)You're speaking him like just anybody and I perceive him as... so much more than. He is far above mortal whims... [He's not sure she'll understand that. He tries another way.] You must understand, even if he wasn't, I don't... I don't want to be freed from him. I was hatched to serve them, the holy two. They're written into me. They saved my life by showing me how to save myself. They were there when no one else was, before you were even a thing to be. They gave me a motherfucking purpose. I...
[He can concede on some things, even if he does so miserably. Even if follows up with further defense.]
... Whether he meant to or not, he destroyed me. And I don't even know where her Highness was for it all. But I need him. It's not pity or such, but it's not no small thing either, it's like... it's... I love him. I love them. [He shakes his head, the words too heavy a confession, and a frankly stupid one even to his own ears.] The Lord at least was never meant to be a deity kind, I knew this, it was foolish to expect otherwise for he guides in ways otherlike. I got to be chosen twice, I got to serve direct, and that's how things are supposed to motherfucking be. [He should be grateful. He's not. Terezi says he owes nothing and he doesn't know if that's true.] But I wanted it to be different. I wanted to be theirs. If it's not my fault, if it's just how things is, then how will I ever... how can I get...?
[He can continue no more. It's too much to speak. He wanted to be held, he wanted to be loved, he wanted to motherfucking matter. He wanted something certain.
He curls up then, as much as he can. Useless and fucking pathetic. But he isn't able to look at her. He feels like a child. He never should've talked of this even though he did, and a part of him had wanted to.]