He turns his eyes down, away from her. He fidgets absently.]
I brought it on myself. I still think it worth it. I needed to know this and I needed to know how to motherfucking overcome. But it was my choice. Feels foolish to spill ills up over it. It'll only bother.
[He says all this, but he continues. He says like it's his own damn fault, and yet still his voice gets so small and his eyes so distant.]
I've never felt fear like that in my life. It was so much more than anything I've ever known. I've been burned but that was hotter. I've drowned but that was so much more what to swallow. It was so much, too much, I could feel myself tearing apart and I still couldn't hold. It spilled on the fuck out from my throat.
[His breath is more audible. It doesn't race, not yet, but it ain't far.]
Started as the same old dreams. I'd had them before, I just never got far enough, clear enough. Like I was only catching echoes of the moment to come. I watched the world fall to pieces just like foretold. I watched and I would remember the way Mituna's psionics wove up in, all those screams. And then there was dark. A great motherfucking void. There was a light. A bright green motherfucking light what I watched and couldn't move from. And then He was there. The Lord. He opened his maw. And then all that fear came on out and poured the fuck in through me.
[His hands shake now, just a little.]
It was a scream and it was a direction branded into my soul and it was a hailing of the end channeled through me and it... it was familiar. I was caught between the revelation, the pain and fear of it, and... Meulin. I could hear her pleading to stop. I was not able. She held me and I could hear her cry... calling me. My name. And that's how I stopped. I stopped the memory there.
[He blinks then, shaking his head a little. His eyes lose that distance, bringing him to heres and nows. He looks mildly confused as he reaches up with one hand and finds something wet and lightly purple on his face.]
Oh.
[He presses at his eyes and shakes his head again.]
I... It wasn't actually her. I warned everyone to stay clear. I had Ienzo don them protective bits for his hearstalks. It was just the memory of her. That's all.
no subject
He turns his eyes down, away from her. He fidgets absently.]
I brought it on myself. I still think it worth it. I needed to know this and I needed to know how to motherfucking overcome. But it was my choice. Feels foolish to spill ills up over it. It'll only bother.
[He says all this, but he continues. He says like it's his own damn fault, and yet still his voice gets so small and his eyes so distant.]
I've never felt fear like that in my life. It was so much more than anything I've ever known. I've been burned but that was hotter. I've drowned but that was so much more what to swallow. It was so much, too much, I could feel myself tearing apart and I still couldn't hold. It spilled on the fuck out from my throat.
[His breath is more audible. It doesn't race, not yet, but it ain't far.]
Started as the same old dreams. I'd had them before, I just never got far enough, clear enough. Like I was only catching echoes of the moment to come. I watched the world fall to pieces just like foretold. I watched and I would remember the way Mituna's psionics wove up in, all those screams. And then there was dark. A great motherfucking void. There was a light. A bright green motherfucking light what I watched and couldn't move from. And then He was there. The Lord. He opened his maw. And then all that fear came on out and poured the fuck in through me.
[His hands shake now, just a little.]
It was a scream and it was a direction branded into my soul and it was a hailing of the end channeled through me and it... it was familiar. I was caught between the revelation, the pain and fear of it, and... Meulin. I could hear her pleading to stop. I was not able. She held me and I could hear her cry... calling me. My name. And that's how I stopped. I stopped the memory there.
[He blinks then, shaking his head a little. His eyes lose that distance, bringing him to heres and nows. He looks mildly confused as he reaches up with one hand and finds something wet and lightly purple on his face.]
Oh.
[He presses at his eyes and shakes his head again.]
I... It wasn't actually her. I warned everyone to stay clear. I had Ienzo don them protective bits for his hearstalks. It was just the memory of her. That's all.