I AM NOT SO STEADY IN RAGE AS THAT. but i am not safe. I GET ALL MOTHERFUCKING RILED LIKE THAT AND I AIN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, DON'T YOU KNOW? it scares me. I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU. i don't think i'm good as all like I AIN'T WANT TO THINK IT, BUT I FEAR IT ALL THE SAME. you're safer away from me. IF STAYING UP WITH MEULIN IS TO YOUR LIKING, YOU SHOULD BE THERE. would get on apology to meulin but i'm sure she ain't going to mind.
I'M SORRY. i'm sorry i still can't reign my temper. I'M SORRY I TURNED IT UP ON YOU.
i didn't mean to scold you. I GUESS I DID. i just thought as you should know. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD WANT TO KNOW IF ALL SUCH THINGS WAS GETTING FELT.
i've been trying. I'VE BEEN MAKING AS BEST I CAN TO SHOW I KNOW IT SCARES YOU. i've tried to steer about the wicked shit so you ain't being to have no fallout and ain't nobody will have to suffer no motherfucking more for it. I'VE BEEN SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AS ALL TO WANT TO PREVENT BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE MORE SO. i've told you all them ways i'm capable and wanting to stay with you. I'VE WANTED IT TO BE ENOUGH. but i can feel it ain't. I CAN'T ACTUALLY UP AND CHANGE THAT. there's nothing what i can say or do asides leaving him out of all everything and we both know i can't do that.
AND I CAN'T BLAME HIM FOR WHAT ALL HAPPENED. you told me it ain't my fault for my future. YOU'VE TAUGHT ME COUNTLESS SUCH IS BEING SO. even when i get like as not to be believing you. I CAN'T TAKE ALL YOU'VE SHOWN ME AND DENY IT TO HIM. i couldn't understand for so long why you couldn't see it's the same. I COULDN'T BLAME YOU, BUT SOMETIMES I GOT THOUGHT YOU ONLY PITIED A TROLL WHAT DIDN'T EXIST. one day you'd figure the fuck out all i am and you'd leave. AND I COULDN'T HAVE PUT BLAME ABOUT YOU THEN EITHER.
i thought all this time, you were giving me a second chance. I THOUGHT LIKE I'D GOT ABOUT YOUR FORGIVENESS FOR WHAT SHIT GOT KICKED. but it ain't wasn't that at all, was it? YOU THINK I'M GOOD. you won't look up at my ills. YOU WON'T SEE ALL WHAT I'VE DONE. you won't believe nothing else.
AND YOU DO THE SAMELIKE FOR GAMZEE. you won't hear that he might not be making like to pretend. YOU WON'T HEAR WHAT I KNOW OR FEEL. because he's bad.
YOU'RE SCARED. you're scared as all like i was scared. YOU KNOW THAT? i didn't want to trust nobody. I THOUGHT ALL TO BE CRUEL. i thought all kindness a motherfucking joke. I THOUGHT IT SOME SHIT REAL ELABORATE. patterns make it so much easier. PATTERNS MAKE SHIT TO ME WHEN SOMEONE GETS HURT, IT'S ALL BEING CAUSE SOME ILL DONE. the world is unkind so i must offer no kindness. I AM MADE TO HURT BECAUSE I AM A SINNER AND DESERVE IT ALL AS COMES. that way, i could believe if i was truly good, i wouldn't hurt. THAT MEANT I WAS UP IN CONTROL.
you know you taught me otherwise? WAS YOU WHAT WAS MAKING CLEAR THAT AIN'T BEING THE CASE. that motherfuckers could mean it when they were kind. THAT THEY COULD DO ILL IN MY VIEWING AND PROVE NO LESS GOOD AND THEM WHAT MEANT WHAT THEY WAS COULD CHANGE. and because you taught at me all this, i simply thought like you knew. I JUST GOT PRESUMPTION UP AND ON THAT SUCH THINGS WAS OBVIOUS AT TO YOU.
you took care of me and i've come to be so grateful. BUT I'VE USED YOU, HAVEN'T I? you help people. YOU HELP THEM WHAT COME TO YOU ASKING. you got thinking i was good cause i wasn't knowing how to be getting about shit. AND BECAUSE YOU GOT THOUGHT AS LIKE I WAS GOOD, YOU THOUGHT YOUR OWNSELF RESPONSIBLE. and i let it to be so.
BUT THE THING IS, I WASN'T GOOD THEN. might not even be good now but i ain't what i was. GAMZEE AIN'T GOOD UP IN YOUR TIME. but he ain't like that now either.
TEREZI, WE AIN'T PEOPLE WHAT YOU CAN MAKE TO BE SORTING. we ain't one thing or a motherfucking other. THE WORLD DON'T WORK IN THE KIND OF PATTERNS YOU'RE THINKING ANY MORE THAN IT GOT DOING IN MINE.
gamzee ain't from the time what he did anything in. AND I GOT TO LEARNING THAT THE THINGS WHAT GOT HAPPENING TO ME, WAS BEING HAPPENING TO HIM TOO. i also know he ain't gone back on word he's got with you and that i can feel him getting terror on at of being near me and upsetting you. BUT NONE OF THAT IS GOING TO MATTER IF ALL THERE AIN'T NO FATHOMING GETTING DONE.
and i need you to understand this all because i want to be knowing you understand me too. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET SURPRISED NONE ONE DAY WHEN YOU REALIZE I'M NOT WHAT YOU WANT OF ME. selfish is what it is to be when i say like i want you anyway.
I GUESS THE THING IS, WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE ALL WHAT'S MAKING HAPPENSTANCE WITH GAMZEE, I WONDER IF AT YOU EVEN KNOW ME. when i think on all that, it makes it hard to stop bringing him up. HE AIN'T GOT TO BE PART OF YOUR LIFE, BUT I AM. or i want to be. AND I CAN'T VILIFY HIM NONE WITHOUT COMING DOWN UPON MY OWNSELF TOO. i can't justify such business at to my ownself without making like i ought to pay. BUT YOU TOLD ME I AIN'T GOT TO. if all this is getting sense in your pan, will you still believe that?
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET YOU EASING THE FEAR YOU'LL LOSE ME. i can't fix that. WISH TRULY I COULD. i've worked all this to be making sure i don't leave you and lose you. THE WEIGHT IS LIKE THAT I'VE CURSED YOU, MY BLOOD HAS CURSED YOU, AND IT'S DONE SO THROUGH HIM AND THAT'S JUST MORE SHIT I GOT TO MIND WHAT'S DUE FOR. i can try and write more, faster maybe, but i ain't know how much that all to help.
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS BEING UNDERSTANDING ENOUGH OR NOT. i don't motherfucking know if you even understand me for what i got said. I JUST WISH I COULD PROVE MY WANT FOR HIM DOESN'T MEAN I PITY YOU ANY MOTHERFUCKING LESS. all what i can say is that i haven't gone to him and i can't until i think you're okay. OR, I GUESS, IF REALIZING WE AIN'T UNALIKE, ME AND HIM, MEANS YOU CAN'T BEAR ME AROUND ANY LONGER. i pray it won't be so.
no subject
my beloved,
I AM NOT SO STEADY IN RAGE AS THAT. but i am not safe. I GET ALL MOTHERFUCKING RILED LIKE THAT AND I AIN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, DON'T YOU KNOW? it scares me. I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU.
i don't think i'm good as all likeI AIN'T WANT TO THINK IT, BUT I FEAR IT ALL THE SAME. you're safer away from me. IF STAYING UP WITH MEULIN IS TO YOUR LIKING, YOU SHOULD BE THERE. would get on apology to meulin but i'm sure she ain't going to mind.I'M SORRY. i'm sorry i still can't reign my temper. I'M SORRY I TURNED IT UP ON YOU.
i didn't mean to scold you. I GUESS I DID. i just thought as you should know. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD WANT TO KNOW IF ALL SUCH THINGS WAS GETTING FELT.
i've been trying. I'VE BEEN MAKING AS BEST I CAN TO SHOW I KNOW IT SCARES YOU. i've tried to steer about the wicked shit so you ain't being to have no fallout and ain't nobody will have to suffer no motherfucking more for it. I'VE BEEN SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AS ALL TO WANT TO PREVENT BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE MORE SO. i've told you all them ways i'm capable and wanting to stay with you. I'VE WANTED IT TO BE ENOUGH. but i can feel it ain't. I CAN'T ACTUALLY UP AND CHANGE THAT. there's nothing what i can say or do asides leaving him out of all everything and we both know i can't do that.
AND I CAN'T BLAME HIM FOR WHAT ALL HAPPENED. you told me it ain't my fault for my future. YOU'VE TAUGHT ME COUNTLESS SUCH IS BEING SO. even when i get like as not to be believing you. I CAN'T TAKE ALL YOU'VE SHOWN ME AND DENY IT TO HIM. i couldn't understand for so long why you couldn't see it's the same. I COULDN'T BLAME YOU, BUT SOMETIMES I GOT THOUGHT YOU ONLY PITIED A TROLL WHAT DIDN'T EXIST. one day you'd figure the fuck out all i am and you'd leave. AND I COULDN'T HAVE PUT BLAME ABOUT YOU THEN EITHER.
i thought all this time, you were giving me a second chance. I THOUGHT LIKE I'D GOT ABOUT YOUR FORGIVENESS FOR WHAT SHIT GOT KICKED. but it ain't wasn't that at all, was it? YOU THINK I'M GOOD. you won't look up at my ills. YOU WON'T SEE ALL WHAT I'VE DONE. you won't believe nothing else.
AND YOU DO THE SAMELIKE FOR GAMZEE. you won't hear that he might not be making like to pretend. YOU WON'T HEAR WHAT I KNOW OR FEEL. because he's bad.
YOU'RE SCARED. you're scared as all like i was scared. YOU KNOW THAT? i didn't want to trust nobody. I THOUGHT ALL TO BE CRUEL. i thought all kindness a motherfucking joke. I THOUGHT IT SOME SHIT REAL ELABORATE. patterns make it so much easier. PATTERNS MAKE SHIT TO ME WHEN SOMEONE GETS HURT, IT'S ALL BEING CAUSE SOME ILL DONE. the world is unkind so i must offer no kindness. I AM MADE TO HURT BECAUSE I AM A SINNER AND DESERVE IT ALL AS COMES. that way, i could believe if i was truly good, i wouldn't hurt. THAT MEANT I WAS UP IN CONTROL.
you know you taught me otherwise? WAS YOU WHAT WAS MAKING CLEAR THAT AIN'T BEING THE CASE. that motherfuckers could mean it when they were kind. THAT THEY COULD DO ILL IN MY VIEWING AND PROVE NO LESS GOOD AND THEM WHAT MEANT WHAT THEY WAS COULD CHANGE. and because you taught at me all this, i simply thought like you knew. I JUST GOT PRESUMPTION UP AND ON THAT SUCH THINGS WAS OBVIOUS AT TO YOU.
you took care of me and i've come to be so grateful. BUT I'VE USED YOU, HAVEN'T I? you help people. YOU HELP THEM WHAT COME TO YOU ASKING. you got thinking i was good cause i wasn't knowing how to be getting about shit. AND BECAUSE YOU GOT THOUGHT AS LIKE I WAS GOOD, YOU THOUGHT YOUR OWNSELF RESPONSIBLE. and i let it to be so.
BUT THE THING IS, I WASN'T GOOD THEN. might not even be good now but i ain't what i was. GAMZEE AIN'T GOOD UP IN YOUR TIME. but he ain't like that now either.
TEREZI, WE AIN'T PEOPLE WHAT YOU CAN MAKE TO BE SORTING. we ain't one thing or a motherfucking other. THE WORLD DON'T WORK IN THE KIND OF PATTERNS YOU'RE THINKING ANY MORE THAN IT GOT DOING IN MINE.
gamzee ain't from the time what he did anything in. AND I GOT TO LEARNING THAT THE THINGS WHAT GOT HAPPENING TO ME, WAS BEING HAPPENING TO HIM TOO. i also know he ain't gone back on word he's got with you and that i can feel him getting terror on at of being near me and upsetting you. BUT NONE OF THAT IS GOING TO MATTER IF ALL THERE AIN'T NO FATHOMING GETTING DONE.
and i need you to understand this all because i want to be knowing you understand me too. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET SURPRISED NONE ONE DAY WHEN YOU REALIZE I'M NOT WHAT YOU WANT OF ME. selfish is what it is to be when i say like i want you anyway.
I GUESS THE THING IS, WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE ALL WHAT'S MAKING HAPPENSTANCE WITH GAMZEE, I WONDER IF AT YOU EVEN KNOW ME. when i think on all that, it makes it hard to stop bringing him up. HE AIN'T GOT TO BE PART OF YOUR LIFE, BUT I AM. or i want to be. AND I CAN'T VILIFY HIM NONE WITHOUT COMING DOWN UPON MY OWNSELF TOO. i can't justify such business at to my ownself without making like i ought to pay. BUT YOU TOLD ME I AIN'T GOT TO. if all this is getting sense in your pan, will you still believe that?
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET YOU EASING THE FEAR YOU'LL LOSE ME. i can't fix that. WISH TRULY I COULD. i've worked all this to be making sure i don't leave you and lose you. THE WEIGHT IS LIKE THAT I'VE CURSED YOU, MY BLOOD HAS CURSED YOU, AND IT'S DONE SO THROUGH HIM AND THAT'S JUST MORE SHIT I GOT TO MIND WHAT'S DUE FOR. i can try and write more, faster maybe, but i ain't know how much that all to help.
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS BEING UNDERSTANDING ENOUGH OR NOT. i don't motherfucking know if you even understand me for what i got said. I JUST WISH I COULD PROVE MY WANT FOR HIM DOESN'T MEAN I PITY YOU ANY MOTHERFUCKING LESS. all what i can say is that i haven't gone to him and i can't until i think you're okay. OR, I GUESS, IF REALIZING WE AIN'T UNALIKE, ME AND HIM, MEANS YOU CAN'T BEAR ME AROUND ANY LONGER. i pray it won't be so.
PITY YOU. always.
-KURLOZ