HE MAKES SENSE AT TO SOMEONE. that's something he ain't heard often. HONK. :o)
[He's relieved. Finally, he's made some headway.]
sure. BUT IT AIN'T GOING TO BE HAPPENING. i've waited longer for shit.
[And then for a moment he just stares at the paper. He's always saying, he doesn't lie. If people want the truth they need only ask. Well here this brother is. Asking.]
IT WAS TORTURE. i've been run through, beaten, crushed, stabbed, even mother fuckin killed. NONE OF IT COMPARED TO THE FEAR OF OPENING UP. to the fear of losing it all. I WAS SO MOTHERFUCKING AFRAID, MY BROTHER, I NEARLY CULLED EVERYONE I CARE FOR. i would have, for it is writ in my proper motherfucking future, that it was at to be. ONLY THAT FUTURE GOT CUT UP WHEN I WAS BEING TAKEN. and for some fuckin reason, my allies looked upon my truly fucking evil husk of a self, and they took pity. THE TROLL WHOSE LIFE I RUINED UTTERLY SAVED MY MIND FROM SHATTERING IN AN INSTANT AND BECAME MY MOIRAIL. my dear sister, my matesprit, i hurt her friend, i hurt her, and still she came back to me and i asked her. MOTHER FUCKING. why? WHY THE MOTHERFUCK WOULD SHE COME BACK. she said it was because i'd stayed for her. HADN'T EVEN FUCKIN MEANT TO. hadn't even thought shit of when i told her to chase better. DIDN'T CULL HER IMMEDIATE BECAUSE HER ANCESTOR, MY WOULD HAVE BEEN PARTNER, MADE DEAL WITH ME AS NOT TO.
you think you're so bad, brother? YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME.
every step i fought. I TORE AT MY ENEMIES WHOM I NOW CALL MY DEAREST FRIENDS. every instance i could see betrayal, i ran. I SCREAMED AND FOUGHT AND RAN THE FUCK AWAY FAR AS I COULD GET STILL TRAPPED IN THAT WRETCHED CITY. i had to get schoolfed how not to thirst for cull. I HAD TO GET MY LEARN ON WHAT IT UP AND WAS TO GET CLOSE. i hadn't any idea how to trust anymore, after the life i lived, until my matesprit taught at to me.
AND WHEN I LOST THEM FUCKERS I'D FINALLY GOT IN CLOSE TO? when, in all my prior learnings i got it about me that the only safe way was isolation? IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN MY MOTHERFUCKING POWER NOT TO KILL EVERYONE IN THAT TOWER I STAYED. i did not succeed alone. I DRUGGED MYSELF. i begged even my enemies to restrain me. MY ABILITY TO BEAR SUCH LOSS WAS SO FUCKIN NULL MY ONLY SOLUTIONS WAS DESTROYING EVERYTHING.
can't lose nobody if there ain't nobody to lose, ain't that right, brother?
I DIDN'T SEE HOW MUCH I'D BEEN CRUSHING MYSELF. i didn't care.
SEE I'VE BEEN FIGHTING TO LIVE SINCE THE MOMENT I HATCHED. the first i could walk i was seeing trolls die. I WAS YOUNGER THAN HOW ZEPHYR'S LOOKING WHEN I HAD TO CULL MY FIRST TROLL. i was six sweeps when some seadweller dragged me up for the last time and made me wish i could die. I WATCHED MY DA SHOW UP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN NEARLY A SWEEP BEFORE HE TURNED AWAY FROM MY WEAKNESS. i thought my only friend had abandoned me. THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T DIE THEN WAS BECAUSE I GOT ANGRY. and angry i up and stayed.
WAS THREE THINGS WHAT STOPPED ALL THAT. my family what's being my friends. MY MEMORIES OF MY LIFE BEFORE, WHERE I KNEW PEACE, WHAT I AIN'T WASN'T HAVING UNTIL I CAME HERE. and cause they took the angry out of me when they made me a nothing. THEY TOOK MY TONGUE AND MY WILL AND ALL EVERYTHING WHAT MADE ME TO BE ME. sometimes i still get thinking; WAS A REAL MONSTER, ME, IF SUCH THINGS WAS MAKING ME BETTER. but that took a sort of healing too.
SO I GOT MY SIDE WHAT'S A MONSTER. i got my side what's a slave. UP IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THAT IS SHATTERCRACKS WHERE I FIGURED OUT WHAT BITS OF ME COULD BE ANY GOOD. i remembered the kid i used to be. I LEARNED EVERY SINGLE SHITBIT OF MY FUTURE. and then here i came into remembering the old me.
IT'S AMAZING TO ME HOW LITTLE THEM WHAT'S OUTSIDE MY CIRCLING SEEMED TO FIGURE IT OUT. i started up rebellion into full force in the capitol and ain't hardly none of them motherfuckers knew it used to be occupational of me to grind rebellions into dust. NOT SURE HOW MUCH ALL OF ANY HERE KNOW I WAS A SLAVE.
there were holes in my thinkpan when i came here. SCARS SOUL-DEEP DONE UP BY SWEEPS OF VOODOO AND ROTTING. zephyr healed them, healed my voice so i could speak just like anybody. AND THEN FOR THE NEXT SWEEP GOING ON TWO I'VE BEEN LEARNING WHAT IT IS TO NOT BE FIGHTING A WAR AND HOW TO LET GO OF THEM LOST WITHOUT LOSING MY MIND. and that ain't even half the goddamn story.
I HAVE BROKEN DOWN SO MANY TIMES I AIN'T EVEN GOT COUNT FOR IT. i have wept. I HAVE TORE AT MY OWNSELF. i have been so far out of my own motherfucking nug i could touch the stars if i was feeling anything like i wasn't dying. YOU THINK YOU'RE A WALKING BREAKDOWN? i'm a motherfucking apocalypse and i do mean that literally.
BUT AFTER ALL THIS, THERE'S A MIRACLE HERE. you know what that is?
IT MEANS I GOD DAMNED KNOW THAT IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO THE MOTHERFUCK ANYONE IS OR WHAT IS BEING IN THEIR HEAD.
if they try, if they have the help, they can overcome it.
I AM THE GREATEST SOURCE OF INSANITY IN THIS MEADOW. i am the cruelest motherfucker i have ever been to meet. NOBODY HAS EVEN COME CLOSE. and yet, because some beautiful fools reached out, here i am. SOME EVEN GET TO THINKING I'M WORTH SOMETHING, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? miracles.
THE MEADOUS IS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH SOULS JUST LIKE YOU. repair being in all different states, and slowly but surely, we are healing.
YOU AIN'T GOING TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO. i've battled bigger beasts than you.
DO YOURSELF A MOTHERFUCKING FAVOR. find a moirail. AT LEAST A MOTHERFUCKER YOU CAN BE SPILLING THE WICKED SHIT TO WHAT'LL BE ABOUT THE HELPING FOR. you think you'll regret it, but you won't. TRUST ME.
no subject
[He's relieved. Finally, he's made some headway.]
sure. BUT IT AIN'T GOING TO BE HAPPENING. i've waited longer for shit.
[And then for a moment he just stares at the paper. He's always saying, he doesn't lie. If people want the truth they need only ask. Well here this brother is. Asking.]
IT WAS TORTURE. i've been run through, beaten, crushed, stabbed, even mother fuckin killed. NONE OF IT COMPARED TO THE FEAR OF OPENING UP. to the fear of losing it all. I WAS SO MOTHERFUCKING AFRAID, MY BROTHER, I NEARLY CULLED EVERYONE I CARE FOR. i would have, for it is writ in my proper motherfucking future, that it was at to be. ONLY THAT FUTURE GOT CUT UP WHEN I WAS BEING TAKEN. and for some fuckin reason, my allies looked upon my truly fucking evil husk of a self, and they took pity. THE TROLL WHOSE LIFE I RUINED UTTERLY SAVED MY MIND FROM SHATTERING IN AN INSTANT AND BECAME MY MOIRAIL. my dear sister, my matesprit, i hurt her friend, i hurt her, and still she came back to me and i asked her. MOTHER FUCKING. why? WHY THE MOTHERFUCK WOULD SHE COME BACK. she said it was because i'd stayed for her. HADN'T EVEN FUCKIN MEANT TO. hadn't even thought shit of when i told her to chase better. DIDN'T CULL HER IMMEDIATE BECAUSE HER ANCESTOR, MY WOULD HAVE BEEN PARTNER, MADE DEAL WITH ME AS NOT TO.
you think you're so bad, brother? YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME.
every step i fought. I TORE AT MY ENEMIES WHOM I NOW CALL MY DEAREST FRIENDS. every instance i could see betrayal, i ran. I SCREAMED AND FOUGHT AND RAN THE FUCK AWAY FAR AS I COULD GET STILL TRAPPED IN THAT WRETCHED CITY. i had to get schoolfed how not to thirst for cull. I HAD TO GET MY LEARN ON WHAT IT UP AND WAS TO GET CLOSE. i hadn't any idea how to trust anymore, after the life i lived, until my matesprit taught at to me.
AND WHEN I LOST THEM FUCKERS I'D FINALLY GOT IN CLOSE TO? when, in all my prior learnings i got it about me that the only safe way was isolation? IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN MY MOTHERFUCKING POWER NOT TO KILL EVERYONE IN THAT TOWER I STAYED. i did not succeed alone. I DRUGGED MYSELF. i begged even my enemies to restrain me. MY ABILITY TO BEAR SUCH LOSS WAS SO FUCKIN NULL MY ONLY SOLUTIONS WAS DESTROYING EVERYTHING.
can't lose nobody if there ain't nobody to lose, ain't that right, brother?
I DIDN'T SEE HOW MUCH I'D BEEN CRUSHING MYSELF. i didn't care.
SEE I'VE BEEN FIGHTING TO LIVE SINCE THE MOMENT I HATCHED. the first i could walk i was seeing trolls die. I WAS YOUNGER THAN HOW ZEPHYR'S LOOKING WHEN I HAD TO CULL MY FIRST TROLL. i was six sweeps when some seadweller dragged me up for the last time and made me wish i could die. I WATCHED MY DA SHOW UP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN NEARLY A SWEEP BEFORE HE TURNED AWAY FROM MY WEAKNESS. i thought my only friend had abandoned me. THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T DIE THEN WAS BECAUSE I GOT ANGRY. and angry i up and stayed.
WAS THREE THINGS WHAT STOPPED ALL THAT. my family what's being my friends. MY MEMORIES OF MY LIFE BEFORE, WHERE I KNEW PEACE, WHAT I AIN'T WASN'T HAVING UNTIL I CAME HERE. and cause they took the angry out of me when they made me a nothing. THEY TOOK MY TONGUE AND MY WILL AND ALL EVERYTHING WHAT MADE ME TO BE ME. sometimes i still get thinking; WAS A REAL MONSTER, ME, IF SUCH THINGS WAS MAKING ME BETTER. but that took a sort of healing too.
SO I GOT MY SIDE WHAT'S A MONSTER. i got my side what's a slave. UP IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THAT IS SHATTERCRACKS WHERE I FIGURED OUT WHAT BITS OF ME COULD BE ANY GOOD. i remembered the kid i used to be. I LEARNED EVERY SINGLE SHITBIT OF MY FUTURE. and then here i came into remembering the old me.
IT'S AMAZING TO ME HOW LITTLE THEM WHAT'S OUTSIDE MY CIRCLING SEEMED TO FIGURE IT OUT. i started up rebellion into full force in the capitol and ain't hardly none of them motherfuckers knew it used to be occupational of me to grind rebellions into dust. NOT SURE HOW MUCH ALL OF ANY HERE KNOW I WAS A SLAVE.
there were holes in my thinkpan when i came here. SCARS SOUL-DEEP DONE UP BY SWEEPS OF VOODOO AND ROTTING. zephyr healed them, healed my voice so i could speak just like anybody. AND THEN FOR THE NEXT SWEEP GOING ON TWO I'VE BEEN LEARNING WHAT IT IS TO NOT BE FIGHTING A WAR AND HOW TO LET GO OF THEM LOST WITHOUT LOSING MY MIND. and that ain't even half the goddamn story.
I HAVE BROKEN DOWN SO MANY TIMES I AIN'T EVEN GOT COUNT FOR IT. i have wept. I HAVE TORE AT MY OWNSELF. i have been so far out of my own motherfucking nug i could touch the stars if i was feeling anything like i wasn't dying. YOU THINK YOU'RE A WALKING BREAKDOWN? i'm a motherfucking apocalypse and i do mean that literally.
BUT AFTER ALL THIS, THERE'S A MIRACLE HERE. you know what that is?
IT MEANS I GOD DAMNED KNOW THAT IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO THE MOTHERFUCK ANYONE IS OR WHAT IS BEING IN THEIR HEAD.
if they try, if they have the help, they can overcome it.
I AM THE GREATEST SOURCE OF INSANITY IN THIS MEADOW. i am the cruelest motherfucker i have ever been to meet. NOBODY HAS EVEN COME CLOSE. and yet, because some beautiful fools reached out, here i am. SOME EVEN GET TO THINKING I'M WORTH SOMETHING, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? miracles.
THE MEADOUS IS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH SOULS JUST LIKE YOU. repair being in all different states, and slowly but surely, we are healing.
YOU AIN'T GOING TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO. i've battled bigger beasts than you.
DO YOURSELF A MOTHERFUCKING FAVOR. find a moirail. AT LEAST A MOTHERFUCKER YOU CAN BE SPILLING THE WICKED SHIT TO WHAT'LL BE ABOUT THE HELPING FOR. you think you'll regret it, but you won't. TRUST ME.