Everyone keeps saying that. Zephyr brings people here for a reason. Zephyr brings people who are lost and broken and need help etc etc. Every time it sounds like it's a mistake I'm here. I'm the last fucking person they should've brought here, everyone else is still there fighting someone else's bullshit war because they have no choice, and they're being tortured and killed over and over while I'm here hiding from birthday parties and movie nights.
I'm not just scared of what I can do or figuring out how it works. That's a good part of it. But I'm scared for all of them too. After everything I did, everything I fucked up, and everything they're still fighting and dying for, I'm the one here instead of them? None of that makes sense.
And I know you're just trying to help and be all reassuring and encouraging and shit and yeah good for me taking this step or whatever but it's more fucking terrifying the closer I get to making an attempt to not be the walking mental breakdown I am.
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Date: 2016-11-28 09:02 am (UTC)Everyone keeps saying that. Zephyr brings people here for a reason. Zephyr brings people who are lost and broken and need help etc etc. Every time it sounds like it's a mistake I'm here. I'm the last fucking person they should've brought here, everyone else is still there fighting someone else's bullshit war because they have no choice, and they're being tortured and killed over and over while I'm here hiding from birthday parties and movie nights.
I'm not just scared of what I can do or figuring out how it works. That's a good part of it. But I'm scared for all of them too. After everything I did, everything I fucked up, and everything they're still fighting and dying for, I'm the one here instead of them? None of that makes sense.
And I know you're just trying to help and be all reassuring and encouraging and shit and yeah good for me taking this step or whatever but it's more fucking terrifying the closer I get to making an attempt to not be the walking mental breakdown I am.